Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Adventures in potty training, day 2.

So far so good, but it's only 9:30 AM so we'll see. I haven't yet had to deal with poop in his underwear, but then again, he hasn't done it in the toilet yet either. I would imagine it will be any time now and I've never been so afraid of a poop prospect in my life. 

11:00 AM. NO ACCIDENTS YET! And three, maybe even four, successful toilet uses. I am ecstatic. 

12:40 PM. So, Roger doesn't take naps anymore, hasn't for a few months, but we make him have quiet time in his room. He gets to play on the iPad while laying in bed, usually because I'm trying to get Bettie to take a nap and she won't sleep if he's around the house making noise. Well Bettie hasn't taken a nap in a couple weeks (which means she's oh so much fun by evening), but today, she actually took a nap--in her crib--and is still asleep! Kind of wondering if my husband drugged her or something, because it's so unusual nowadays. Anyway, so Roger has a pull-up on right now for quiet time, just in case he falls asleep (yeah right), and because he isn't at the point where he'll announce when he needs to go, so frankly I'm hoping that when he gets up he'll have already pooped so that it doesn't happen in his underwear later. I know, I know, I shouldn't hope for that because I need to get him to do it on the toilet. But now that my husband has left for work, my anxiety about today turning out like yesterday is increasing, and I'd really like to not deal with massive amounts of crap in underwear and all over the floor. More than I'm already cleaning up from the dog, anyway. Seriously, why did we think potty training would be a good idea right now? I can only assume that if our marriage survives the next few weeks, it can survive the rest of our lives. Right? 

2:30 PM. So. Much. Pee. All over my dining room chair (note: MY chair, the place I sit my fat ass to eat the dinners I manage to cook amidst all this chaos), all over my floor, leading in a trail into the living room?! I don't know if there was so much that it soaked his pants and got on the floor as his pants dragged, or if he peed while running to the living room to yell the word POTTY over and over again (no, the irony here isn't lost on me), or what, but there was a trail of pee, and none of it was from the puppy, and it was, well, gross. Also my dining room chair cushion is soaked and I don't even know how to begin dealing with that other than putting a towel on it. Which Roger then immediately turns around and takes off of the chair and waves around like a horrific, pee-soaked flag of victory, as if he's staking a claim to this chair as his new territory (which would explain pissing all over it, I guess). I now know that buying more beer was a good idea. 

3:30 PM. Not potty training related, but I've decided that in the interest of being healthy (despite all the beer), I'm going to make myself some chicken taco salad for dinner. The kids, being opposed to anything involving lettuce, and being on my last damn nerve a mere 20 minutes after my eldest arrived home from school, will get sandwiches. If they're fucking lucky. 

Oh, and actually potty training related, there WAS one successful toilet use a few minutes ago. But my happiness, excitement, and pride were all slightly overshadowed by the rather large temper tantrum Roger threw when he only got two Skittles as a reward. Even though he only got two each time he used the toilet all day yesterday and all morning today. I can't really get mad though because I, too, think one can never have enough Skittles, and at least he comes by it honestly. 

4:30 PM. There is poop everywhere. No time to explain. 

5:40 PM. There's been...I don't even know anymore. Two? Three accidents? Since I last made a note at 4:30. Along with an equal number of toilet refusals and subsequent tantrums. Never in my eight years of parenting have I been more thankful for having pizza rolls in my freezer than I am today. And yes, I AM including the time during pregnancies and post labor/c-sections. 

7:00 pm. So, the weirdest thing happened tonight. After dinner, not only did Roger go potty without a shrieking crazy fit, not only did he put on extra warm comfy pajamas without a shrieking crazy fit--but he also SPECIFICALLY ASKED TO GO TO BED. Hold on, let me check the number of beers I've consumed to make sure I'm not making up some sort of false memory in a drunken stupor. Okay, yeah it definitely happened for real. 

THEN, to make matters even more unbelievable, Bettie went to sleep in her crib right away, despite our puppy making every possible annoying effort to keep her awake by barking incessantly at Travis's pant legs (he has a thing about pants, I...I don't know, he's weird). 

So, in many ways, today has been ridiculous and insane and long as hell. But, the last hour has gone by fairly easily, and everyone is still alive and (relatively) in tact, so I'm gonna go ahead and consider today a win. Cheers!

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